Archive for June, 2008

You are special!

Look at you.
Look at how beautiful and special YOU are.
With your eyes you are able to see the beauty on this planet we call home, we call earth.
The trees, the flowers, the stars and the moon.. it does not matter whether your eyes are dark or light, they are beautiful.
With your ears you are able to hear, to listen to all these amazing noises.
The beat of your heart, the reach or your arms, the blood in your entire body is one amazing wonder.
Look at your hands, the five fingers you have on one, five because you don’t need more each one serves you well and there’s no need for a sixt finger.
There is something as perfection, You are.
The way your body recovers, the way your hair grows, the way you once were tiny and grew to that what you are now is amazing.
It doesn’t matter if you’re small, big, tall, tiny, bald, hairy, white or black you are beautiful infor who you are.
The way you are never alone, you always have your mind, your thoughts which can make you paint with the wind, fly with the birds and dream the most impossible dreams.
Look at you.
This amazing beautiful wonder that you are, you are beautiful now and you always will be.

I’ve been thinking alot lately, well that’s not really something new.. I’m a thinker.
I think that it’s really amazing that there are so much people on this world who all day in and day out do their thing.
So much people I never have seen their faces, never heard the sound of their voice but they do exist.
Walking on the streets and seeing all those different amazing people they all look so familiar..
like you know them, all of them and yet never ever have seen them before.
The earth is big and yet small at the same time.
I’ve been watching football, it’s The Eurocup 2008 over here and The Netherlands are really doing great.. I hope they’ll win the cup.
And the weather is nice outside.. we have sun.. and sometimes we have not but it’s nice.
I’m excited for my trip because about a little bit more than 2weeks I’ll leave and I hope that those days will bring something good.
Life is great and I’m happy.

Tien ♥.


So All I Wanted In The End Was World Domination And A Whole Lot Of Money To Spend

So in every heart there’s a broken dream, a shattered cause, a might have been

I wish my recent thoughts were as positive as Tien’s… but I haven’t been feeling all that well lately.

Laying on my bed last night, I thought of the past and how I do not want it to repeat itself. I think over and over of what those certain people in my life have said, and how it’s very similar. They have all planned ahead, they have all believed to be the one… and yet, it has ended so badly.

In an attempt to make myself feel better, I thought “I dont need anyone, after all, my plans are designed only for me and not for two” so with this thought I went to sleep, thinking that if this time, I fail yet again, I would be okay. I would be fine. Simply because I would be alone and away from anyone’s feelings.

Well that’s crap haha. Today I realized the only reason I was having some sort of feminist epiphany was not for the right reasons. It was simply because Im truly scared of getting hurt again. Im self-sabotaging another opportunity of happiness in an effort to keep myself safe from pain. Im trying so hard not to become attached and to see something wrong with today that I might just ruin tomorrow.

Of course, I could take the safe road…to be alone as I planned and keep pushing away anyone who tries to get too near …because damn, after 2 years of mourning I try again, and it ends up just as terribly…But no.

I cant do that. I wont let myself do that. Im braver than that…

I’ve always valued life’s uncertainties and seen its surprises as beautiful.

I’ll take my chances.




First day of my life


…And that’s how I came to be hahaha

Anyway,  Friday was my last day of school. And if everything goes as planned…my last day of “normal” school EVER! Mwaha. It felt weird… I woke up (and Im going to blame it on that time of the month), but I teared up. It’s a strange thought to think you’re going to leave all the teenage stupidity behind, in hopes of surrounding yourself of all the things you truly enjoy…

No more waste of time. And this is why that was the first day of my life. It is the end of excuses and the start of intense. I have to live it now, I have to work as hard as physically possible to get into my dream school next year. To pass the audition…to show them WHY Im better than 200+ russians, canadians and acrobats from all over the world. That circus school is the best in the world, and my ticket to Cirque du Soleil. I have to make it. Of course, Im not giving up on the dream if I dont, but goddamnit I have to get in.

What else!? Everything in the love department is so much clearer now. I have made my decision :)

On another note! Im going to San Francisco this month! So hippies here I come!!! :D



Tragic lovestories with noisy strawberries.

This was probably the most awkward weekend ever!
Okay, Hold on.

Let’s start with thursday.. thursday was fun although it’s not really weekend.
I went to a noise CD-Release party from this guy ”Franz Fjödor.”
I actually knew that guy already, he’s pretty much made of awesome.
So go check out his music… if you’re into noise.
If you’re not.. Go check it out anyway.
I really thought that ”Franz” was really really good live and it was fun to see him in his ‘normal’ way instead of the way I met him :-).
And the DJ’s of that evening really played some fun music aswell, I was happy that could go and that I was able to be there.

Well I saw Nick on friday and he’s such a sweet guy.
I cannot believe that he likes somebody who is like me.
I’m such a big confusion and he deserves so much better.
Nick is a tux-guy, he wears those most of the time.
He studies economics at an university and he’s in his last year now.
Dark hair and hazel eyes, so that was a tiny part about him.
I’m not going to post his picture because I know he wouldn’t like that.
Anyway, I can’t say that I am completely in love with him..
He’s all cute and maybe he is everything a girl would look for in a guy..
But I don’t really think that our personalities really do suit eachother.
I am confused about most of the things in life and and I always have questions, alot of questions I just need to find an answer for.. and I know that he can’t answer most of my questions.. He doesn’t understand them, he’s not much of a philosophy-knowledge guy.. and I am.. I want to know as many things as are possible because every wisdom is a good one to have even if you most likely are never going to do something with it.
I also will leave for a while and I don’t want to leave while knowing that I have a boyfriend right back at home. I just really want to leave completely free, throw my phone away.. not have to worry to check my e-mails and just to walk into the wild, the nature.. my best friends a backpack and me.
And I really really don’t want to hurt Nick, I do care about him.

Well it’s Sunday today, I’ve seen Nick today aswell and it was kind of awkward..
It was REALLY awkward.. my cousin was here too and things weren’t really going oookay.
Mainly because she kind of liked him.. ALOT.. and kept saying how great he is the whole day long..
So we didn’t really had a chance to talk.
I will see him tomorrow too, and we’ll talk..

AND I made a strawberry-cake on saturday..
which was actually really fun to do.
I’ve took some pictures of the cake..
IT’S NOT PERFECT, ALL IS HOME-MADE, the whipped cream, the cake-thing.. just everything.
So it cannot be perfect but it tasted good.
Want to know how it’s made?
Send me an e-mail: and write Tien-Cake as subject I will get back to you ASAP.
Here are pics:

Tien ♥.